Clarity

Life sometimes can throw you curve balls and send you on a winding road that is hard to navigate.

The outcome of your destination is completely up to you.

Things for me have been a little stressful lately and it’s been somewhat of a struggle to juggle everything.

It hit me hard yesterday. It became crystal clear that something needs to change when I went to the gym to relieve some stress and I walked out the door not feeling any better. This was an eye opener. The gym is my get away,  my piece of mind, my clarity.

My thoughts were muddy, a little scattered.

I came home and started working and was pleasantly interrupted by a phone call. My mom was calling.

As soon as we started talking, I let it all out. It’s amazing how much I really needed to get stuff off my chest. That’s the beauty of talking to mom. Everything is revealed, everything is laid out on the table. My shoulders became a little less tense and a smile and laughter filled the room.

Two-hours later we finally said our goodbyes.

This conversation of course made me miss family. We are going on 13 months since leaving Florida.

When I moved to Arizona, I was able to visit home at least every six months. At the end of every semester at Arizona State University, I was packing my bags and heading to the airport.

Things are different now.

The difference is, I haven’t had that overwhelming urge to leave, to get away from the life I am now leading.

That just goes to show I’m in a much better scenerio, a much better relationship now. I havent wanted to flee . . .

For the first time in my life, my home is where the love of my life is. My home is where Jason and I are.

I still want to head back to Fort Myers, not to go “home,” but to visit friends and family. I hope we can make a trip back south soon.

After mom and I hung up, I started to work again. Although I felt better, my thoughts were still a little scattered.

So, I put Lucy’s collar on and we headed to the Kingsport Greenbelt. We both obviously needed to be outdoors.

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As Lucy led the way, it became easier to get a hold of my thoughts. I began to smile as her trot became a full run.

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My life changed pretty drastically after we adopted this little pup in April. She has had such an impact on my life.

It’s true there really is a special connection with a dog.

I absolutely love having her with me all day, but my life has changed.

My routine . . . .

My gym time has been cut back immensely because of her fear and anxiety of being alone. We still haven’t conquered her “okay” of being in a crate while I’m gone. So, I have a hard time leaving her home alone.

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While we were out on our walk, well run a good portion of the time, Lucy made me smile. I became carefree, living in the moment. Her excitment for the  outdoors, well it was a breath of fresh air. The breath I needed.

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After more than two-miles we decided to head back home.

Those thoughts that I thought were sorted out became jumbled again. As Jason and I talked later that night, well rather early this morning, it all came out again. He has a way of making me look at things in a new light. He makes me dig deep and calls me out when I give him an answer he knows not to be the full truth. We got down to the nitty gritty, the solution of what has been hanging over my head. That solution of course didn’t come without a bag full of emotions.

We finally made our way upstairs.

This man means the absolute world to me. The love, unconditional love he has shown me, takes my breath away. He loves me regardless of my faults. He loves me for me. It’s apparent he will do anything and everything in his power to make sure I’m okay. To make me smile, laugh and get the most out of this life we are sharing.

I woke up smiling this morning. I have refocused my energy and thoughts,  thanks to my mom, my forever companion Lucy and Jason.

My mom starts to break down my walls as best as she can over the phone, while Jason jumps in her spot and  completely destroys them.

I am grateful that I have two such wonderful, caring, loving people in my life. Jason and mom work as a team without even knowing it to get me to better grounds.

So as the new day unfolds,  Lucy and I are going to part ways for a few hours while I take another shot at the gym today. Yesterday I bought her a kong to help keep her busy while I’m away. I hope it works.

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5 thoughts on “Clarity

  1. My mother knows just what to say and helps me so much when I’m feeling a little scattered! I am happy you are feeling better! Beautiful photos, the last one has a string of hearts in it, did you notice?! So awesome! 🙂

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