Long over due

I find myself missing his laughter, his beautiful smile and his presence at home. Most of all I miss sitting on the couch with him and eating dinner together.

I love what he is doing for us . . . I am grateful he is taking care of us.

I miss him tremendously though . . .

Last night showed me just how much I miss spending time with him. It was definitely long over due . . .

The last couple of weeks Jason has been working nonstop doubles, starting his day early at one job, coming home sleeping for an hour at the most, before leaving for his second job. This week, he worked doubles Tuesday-Friday, which meant I barely saw him.

I treasure Jason for this simple fact, his work ethic, but boy do I miss him.

His last full day off was a week ago and we spent the day moving.

He came home in good spirits all week-long, considering how much time he spent on his feet and how little sleep he has had. With that said, I know it’s taking a toll on him. I know he is super sore, tired and ready for a day where he can be lazy and catch up on some much needed sleep.

So in an effort to tell him how thankful I am, I have been taking care of everything at the house. I have made sure everything we needed to get accomplished with our move has been done, as well as making sure he has clean clothes for work. To top that off, I make sure I have something for him to eat when he gets home, either dinner he can warm up, or making him something once he returns home. I want him to relax as much as possible when he is home. Plus, it’s kind of fun spoiling him.

The appreciation in his voice as he tells me thank you for everything, or the smile when he sees something is done, is all worth the effort.

The anticipation of last night was brewing all day long, especially after I got a text from Jason during the day asking me about an interview I had scheduled yesterday afternoon. I had to drive to Jonesborough to interview a 5th grader who is in the running of winning a contest – a $250 scholarship.

When I returned home from the interview, I was more than ready for our dinner date. Yep, a night out with my baby, there is nothing better than that!

As soon as we sat down at dinner, so many thoughts went rushing through my head as I looked at him from across the table. I love this man so much and I am beyond lucky to have him in my life. Sometimes that feeling consumes me in such a great way.

I feed off of Jason’s energy, I feed off of his good vibes. Sometimes just being around him, calms me and makes my whole body relax.

Laughter instantly started our night as Jason asked me “so how have you been?” and “Who are you?” Those comments set the momentum for the rest of the night.

It was then and there that the overwhelming feeling of how much I have missed him this week washed over me.

The conversation as we ate dinner was great, something I believe we both needed.

The stress of the week vanished at that moment. I was spending time with my best friend, the love of my life and loving every minute of it.

Jason always knows when I need time with him, just the two of us.

Last night was perfect, our service was excellent and the food was pretty good. The Bacardi and coke wasn’t too bad either 🙂

The whole way home, the car was full of nonstop laughter.

As the night dwindled down, we both laid on the couch, my head nestled on his shoulder, as we both started drifting off to sleep. As his breathing deepened and his body starting to relax, I got us up and to bed where we would both be more comfortable.

Before going to bed, I told him I loved him. The look in his eyes and the compassion in his voice made my heart skip a beat. Still after five years, hearing those words . . . .

Thankful

Some thoughts that struck me while exercising today . . .

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Do you ever wake up thinking you have a beautiful life? That the life you lead is because of the confidence you have in yourself to make it happen?

I’m not sure if these thoughts have bombarded me because I had a conversation with someone from my past, or if I’m just reflecting on how far I’ve come because I’m experiencing the daily change in new life right outside the window.

The life of nature, if you think about it, goes through some drastic changes before new life is born. That new life of spring, and the warm temperatures that also grace this season, has spoken to me.

I really cannot put into words the feelings that take over me when I spot that new flower presenting itself on a tree or on the ground for that matter. After seeing the trees bare for so many months, its eye-catching for sure.

Today, while I was out taking pictures, I heard lawn mowers running and the smell of new cut grass filled the air. This alone made me smile. Do you know how long it has been since hearing those sounds or smelling that fragrance?

Yeah, is all I have to say.

Reflection . . .

The best part of that conversation earlier this week, is it made me smile, instead of making me dwell on the life I decided to leave behind. It’s amazing how much your life can blossom when you have the right people in your life. Without support from my closest family and friends, those mountains that blocked my path seemed unbearable. With their constant encourgement, the mountains turned into little, tiny hills, bumps for that matter. It was easy to catch a glimpse of the other side of the hurdle and continue along this path of my life.

IMG_1434What I took as genuine happiness about how far I have come from this individual kind of left me speechless. I know it shouldn’t have because he was so encouraging when he was a big part of my life. Even as discussions were had about another person of my past, the feelings that used to consume me no longer did. The only feeling that grabbed a hold of me was sadness. The same conversation that was had almost five years ago, was the same tune I heard that day. It’s a shame when someone can’t or does not want to find the new light at the end of the tunnel to carry on and see the new beauty that presents itself.

Life is precious, you have to make the most out of everything. This of course can be hard on occassion. The daily stresses of life sometimes gets the best of me.

The statement below I found one day is very true.

“Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.”

I have found myself getting better at this every day.

New beauty . . .

IMG_1429New beauty is constantly presenting itself, if not in nature, in the daily happenings of my own life.

So, why not leave the worry behind, the unneeded stress, when you are in charge of your own happiness?

That one day struck me, it was time to grab a hold of that happiness and be in charge once again.

A huge turning point for me was moving back home to Fort Myers to be close to family and friends. The unconditional love and support often times took my breath away. I will never forget those days. I will never forget how my dad was my strength, how he carried me through one of the hardest times of my life.

The second best thing was rekindling that relationship with my first love.

I will never forget that conversation that started on Facebook almost five years ago after more than a decade of time passing by.

Strength . . .

That word can mean so many different things. I often find my thoughts turning to this word as I’m out in nature admiring its beauty. The more time we spend outdoors, as well as my time I spend at the gym, constantly reminds me just how strong I have become.

IMG_1423I have discovered a strength I did not know existed almost five years ago. I owe that discovery to my family and Jason.

Jason constantly pushes me, which I am so incredibly grateful for. He pushes me in every aspect of life. Every aspect in life.

When we are out hiking and an obstacle presents itself along our path, he pushes me forward, often times giving me words of encouragement, as I battle with the “I can’t do that” kind of thinking.

I have also found a strength inside as we continue this adventure in our new home state. Things, I won’t lie, were really rocky when we first arrived. I was an emotional mess for a few months, until I found my own footing. Found the confidence I needed in the new life we created for ourselves.

This morning as I chatted back and forth with my really good friend back in Florida through text messages, I was flooded with the thoughts of accomplishments. She asked how many papers I now contribute for . . . eight in Arizona, four in Florida and one in Tennessee.

Who say’s you can’t accomplish something when you have faith in yourself?

After telling her this information, my mouth kind of dropped open. I knew I contributed to quite a few, but until I wrote them all down, I guess I forgot the extent.

Independence . . .

IMG_1421I was taught to take care of myself through the years I was growing up. My parents raised all of their children to be independent, which I will forever be grateful for.

Unfortunately, sometimes through the course of life, you lose site of that “independence.” You believe life can only be fulfilled with that one person next to you.

Although I cannot look into my future and not see Jason there by my side, it doesn’t take away my independence. We built this relationship on us both being independent, but sharing a life with each other.

Through the course of last year and into this year, I have found that independence. My contribution to all these publications provides me with the independence I need.

You see . . . some of these things leave such an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. Often times it leaves me breathless, but in a good way, when I think about the beautiful life I have created and absolutely love living.

The outdoors . . .

Growing up, my brothers, sisters and I, spent a lot of time outdoors. It was just how we were raised. So, it really isn’t a mystery that I still love being outdoors as an adult.

I’m just thankful I have a new found love and appreciation for everything around me. When we moved to Tennessee, I had a feeling I would appreciate my surroundings a little more. Indeed, I have.

Jason and I have run into many people who have lived here their whole lives and not seen half of the places we have in the last year. Being with Jason has shed a light on exploring new places. I couldn’t imagine not exploring. I never want to take where we live for granted, especially when it provides so many great getaways only miles down the road.

So on that note, here are a few more pictures I took today while out and about. The pictures above are also pictures I took today of the simple beauties that surround me.

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He just knows

Today was an up and down kind of day for me.

The first positive:

I was able to hit all my writing  deadlines early, so I took today off of work and had a lazy day with Jason. The weather was overcast, one of the reasons why we didn’t go anywhere.

Sometimes it’s nice to have a lazy day.

The second positive:

As I was in and out of sleep laying on the couch, Jason already fast asleep next to me, the phone rang with the familiar name “Monica.” I was suddenly not tired anymore as I sprung up from the couch, carefull of course, so I wouldn’t disturb Jason, as I grabbed the phone.

You see, this familiar name was my mom calling. A surprise call, one that I always love to get. They are so much better than text messages.

We haven’t talked in a while, of course our busy schedules getting the best of us. So after about an hour of catching up and sharing laughter we finally said our goodbyes.

The first down:

I was in good spirits of course because we finally talked, but I was also struck with homesickness, which kind of blindsided me. It caught me off guard when I put the phone back in its charger.

The thing about this is I’m not homesick because I miss Fort Myers, the feeling grabs a hold of me because I miss family and friends. When I think of home it’s here in Kingsport. When I think of home, it’s where Jason and I are together.

I’m usually on a pretty intense high after mom and my conversations because, well, my mom’s my best friend and I miss her dearly.

This time of year mom and I were inseparable on the weekends, especially with dad playing baseball and Jason always working. We always found something to do even if it was just hanging out at the house.

So needless to say those thoughts consumed me when we hung up. Don’t get me wrong, I love that Jason and I made a move to Tennessee from Fort Myers to start a new life, if you will, for ourselves. But, I miss having our mother, daughter days.

With all this said my third positive of the day happened.

After Jason and I were done with dinner, I went upstairs for a little while. Once I returned Jason was laying on the couch. With the couch being the only furniture in our living room right now, my first thought was hmm, where am I going to sit. Then I looked at Jason and he made that motion with his hands of “come here” with that look I absolutely love … that caring and loving look.  

He just knows. He is so intuned, most of the time I don’t even tell him what’s running through my head, he just  knows. He reads my moods, sometimes catches the change before I do.

As he wrapped his arms around me, the homesickness feeling began to loosen its grip. Tears began to fill my eyes, but never fell, as I thought, “wow I have such a good man.”

Jason, I don’t know what I would do without you. I have never experienced a love of this magnitude before. It’s an incredible feeling, one that fills my heart with so much joy.

Her voice

This morning I slept in, walked downstairs and curled under a blanket on the couch. I guess I wasn’t ready for the day to begin quite yet. As I slowly came to life, I decided to check my email and was pleasantly surprised by one.

After reading this Hallmark e-card, a few tears fell as I read my mother’s words. That card was right on time, I had the same thoughts.

It’s rare mom and I go a few days without talking through text messages. This week unfortunately our crazy work schedules kept us busy, really busy.

I sent her a thank you text and as the time passed the need to hear her voice consumed me. I picked up the phone and dialed mom’s number. Well the only voice I got to hear was her telling me to leave a voice mail.

Almost as soon as I set my phone  down, her face filled my screen as my phone came to life with that familiar ring. It became apparent how much we both needed to talk, share what was going on in our lives as the conversation continued.

I love this about our mother, daughter relationship, we can talk about anything and everything. Some things I didn’t realize I needed to talk about until it came out during our conversation. I felt so much better once we were done talking, two-hours later. 

Mom is the person I miss the most since we moved to Tennessee. She’s constantly in my thoughts. It doesn’t matter if it’s something big or small going on in my life, she’s the first person I want to tell.

The other day it dawned on me just how much time we spent together when we lived only minutes away from each other. This time of the year is our favorite as art festivals appear in different locations around Southwest Florida. I miss those days with mom. I miss us seeing our favorite artists and discovering new ones weekend after weekend.

So needless to say our conversation today was much overdue.

I cannot wait until we can see each other in the next few months.

It’s true a mother’s love is like no other. 

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