I have definitely been on a rollercoaster of emotions this week, which I have to admit is very exhausting.
Yesterday, although my day did not start with a phone call from Jason, nor ended with a phone call from him . . . well, it went okay . . . until sleep completely escaped me.
The highlights of my day yesterday, day four of Jason being gone . . .
A phone call from my mom and my older brother Bill, as well as an overdue much-needed run with my best little buddy, my puppy Lucy.
I had a ton of copy editing I had to accomplish for one of the newspapers I work for in Arizona, which kept me extremely busy.
A phone call from my mom prompted an escape from my computer. She knows me well and knows what will help.
Almost every single day since Monday, my mom has made it a point to call and check up on me. I look forward to that friendly phone call, even if there is not anything new to share. There’s a huge comfort that comes with just hearing her voice.
So, after she told me to go for a run, I listened. I threw on my running clothes and put Lucy’s collar on and we headed to our old stomping grounds. Thankfully that portion of the Greenbelt that we enjoy using was open.
It was however a muddy mess with portions of the path still underwater. Yesterday I just didn’t care . . . I needed that run more than anything.
Although the music was streaming through my headphones, I couldn’t tell you what I was listening to during that 3 mile run. My thoughts were jetting in every possible direction. That was exactly the therapy I needed. Sometimes you don’t fully know everything you’re holding in until you are faced with open space and a route you want to complete.
As Lucy and I embraced the 70 degree temperatures and occasional rays of sunshine, our speed was not fast, but consistent until my body told me no more.
I felt good when we called it quits. I was proud of myself for making it to the Greenbelt to go for a run.
Here are a few pictures from yesterday . . .
I was on a runner’s high after we returned home. It stayed with me for quite a few hours. I was excited that my meal, a recipe I found on Pinterest, tasted great. A mixture of hard-boiled eggs, avocado, onion, Greek yogurt, lemon juice and pepper on multi-grain bread topped with a tomato. It was delicious.
With a full belly, it was back to my desk to finish the copy editing I put on hold. This is when I received a surprise phone call from my older brother. I absolutely love hearing from him. No matter how many miles separate us, he’s always there for me, always looking out for me, always making sure I am okay. There’s truly nothing greater than a love from an older brother. His understanding voice, his open ears, lifted my spirits enabling me to finish my work for the night.
I watched a few television shows before heading to bed. I have to admit I was really looking forward to my phone ringing once more. The phone call never came.
I ended up falling asleep, waking to a text from Jason. A text message I never answered.
Last night I only managed to get a few hours of sleep. I thought for sure with exercising and, well, being exhausted from the week’s events would bring on the sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Unfortunately I was terribly let down . . .
I wish Jason was here besides me, or I was already there besides him. I sleep so much better when I know he is laying besides me or in the same house.
My strength is there, although not as strong as I need it to be at times. My smile comes and goes as the tears take its place, still at the most random times.
This experience, although is still in the beginning stages has proven to be difficult, but not unmanageable.
I am beyond grateful I have Lucy, my sweet, affectionate, cuddly, beautiful puppy. There is truly no better companion than that of a dog.
Lucy makes me laugh, keeping my spirits high.
She gives me the comfort I need throughout the day and even while we are sleeping.
Ever since Monday, Lucy snuggles even closer to me in bed. Her body is curled up against mine at all times, never straying away. This comforts me in a way I cannot explain.
Today she has not left my side. She’s been asleep in my lap while I work at my desk, occasionally looking at me with those puppy eyes. I can feel her telling me it’s okay.
Every day is a new challenge. Every day I am faced with new and old emotions. Every day I pray that our time a part is almost over.
I love being independent, but I love having Jason here with me. I love sharing my life with him in the same space without hundreds of miles separating us.
I only hope that the strength I know I have stays consistant from here on out. I need more of my good days that are filled with high spirits. Those feelings, those emotions, will make the time a part easier to handle . . .