Emotional day

Yesterday was a lot harder than I had anticipated. 

As I started getting ready yesterday morning, Lucy instantly knew something was going on. Once we walked downstairs she began shaking, which really didn’t vanish until we were half way down the road.

You see June 13 marked the day that she was being spayed. Our day started rather early because I had to drop her off at the vet at 7:30 in the morning.

The bad part of this whole scenerio is Banfield is right next to the Kingsport Greenbelt where we go for our runs.

The excitment slowly took over Lucy as she became aware of where we were. As the car continued to go past our regular destination, she began shaking again. After I parked the car, we sat there for a few minutes as I gave her a few last scratches, which she throughly enjoyed.

We walked to the front counter and as I was given paperwork, the nurses took her from me and walked away.

I was okay until I walked back towards the car with no puppy.  I have no idea why I became so emotional, but my eyes began filling with tears as I sat in the car.

At this point in time I was reminded how much this little puppy and I have shared in such a short amount of time. I cannot put into words what kind of bond we have formed.

Jason and I were able to save her when she showed up at our doorstep, and in a sense she saved me too. I love having a companion with me all the time, especially with how much Jason works.

I knew Lucy was in good hands, but she was still going to be given anesthesia and undergoing surgery.

I’m a worry wart, a very big worry wart.

Once I arrived back home I started to work on some articles, which was weird. There was no puppy under my desk, no little puppy footsteps following me everywhere, no breaks to go for a walk outside.

Jason and I made an appointment for our kitty Leo at Banfield for 9:15 the same morning. This was very hard. I could hear Lucy crying, but I couldn’t go and comfort her. Her surgery hadn’t started yet, and wouldn’t for another hour or so.

After bringing Leo back home, I went back to work, while watching the clock. The wait for the phone call, oh the wait.

I was finally able to settle down when the phone rang and I was told that Lucy did really well and we could pick her up after 4 p.m. Now a new wait was before me. Thank goodness I had a ton of work to get done.

This part of my day I will never forget. When the vet carried Lucy into room #2, she was wearing a light blue bandana. I stood up and walked towards her. I knew she knew who I was, but since she was still highly medicated her look was so far away. It felt good to pet her and let her know I was there. It felt even better to carry her to the car and bring her home.

After we got her home, Jason headed to the store to get us dinner.

I lost it .

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As she sat in her bed, she looked at me through extremely cloudy eyes. Lucy was right in front of me, but yet so far away. That look made me cry.

As humans we can verbally communicate how we are feeling. Although I know this puppy, I had no idea what she was thinking, how she was feeling.

Overwhelmed was an understatement.  I’m such a softy, such an animal lover. This puppy stole my heart from day one.

I’m happy to say the cloudiness slowly went away and the alert, loving puppy joined us by the end of the night.

She slept all night with a cone around her neck to prevent her from licking. She stayed close to my side,  often times repositioning herself to get even closer.

Today Lucy was back to normal for the most part. She definitely wants to be active, which I cannot let her do quite yet.

The hardest thing this week is going to be preventing her from jumping, running and chasing the cats up the stairs. I’m hoping we will have a successful week of recovery.

I love how much of an impact an animal can have on your life. I’m excited to see what the future holds for this little pup and I!

Thankful

Some thoughts that struck me while exercising today . . .

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Do you ever wake up thinking you have a beautiful life? That the life you lead is because of the confidence you have in yourself to make it happen?

I’m not sure if these thoughts have bombarded me because I had a conversation with someone from my past, or if I’m just reflecting on how far I’ve come because I’m experiencing the daily change in new life right outside the window.

The life of nature, if you think about it, goes through some drastic changes before new life is born. That new life of spring, and the warm temperatures that also grace this season, has spoken to me.

I really cannot put into words the feelings that take over me when I spot that new flower presenting itself on a tree or on the ground for that matter. After seeing the trees bare for so many months, its eye-catching for sure.

Today, while I was out taking pictures, I heard lawn mowers running and the smell of new cut grass filled the air. This alone made me smile. Do you know how long it has been since hearing those sounds or smelling that fragrance?

Yeah, is all I have to say.

Reflection . . .

The best part of that conversation earlier this week, is it made me smile, instead of making me dwell on the life I decided to leave behind. It’s amazing how much your life can blossom when you have the right people in your life. Without support from my closest family and friends, those mountains that blocked my path seemed unbearable. With their constant encourgement, the mountains turned into little, tiny hills, bumps for that matter. It was easy to catch a glimpse of the other side of the hurdle and continue along this path of my life.

IMG_1434What I took as genuine happiness about how far I have come from this individual kind of left me speechless. I know it shouldn’t have because he was so encouraging when he was a big part of my life. Even as discussions were had about another person of my past, the feelings that used to consume me no longer did. The only feeling that grabbed a hold of me was sadness. The same conversation that was had almost five years ago, was the same tune I heard that day. It’s a shame when someone can’t or does not want to find the new light at the end of the tunnel to carry on and see the new beauty that presents itself.

Life is precious, you have to make the most out of everything. This of course can be hard on occassion. The daily stresses of life sometimes gets the best of me.

The statement below I found one day is very true.

“Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.”

I have found myself getting better at this every day.

New beauty . . .

IMG_1429New beauty is constantly presenting itself, if not in nature, in the daily happenings of my own life.

So, why not leave the worry behind, the unneeded stress, when you are in charge of your own happiness?

That one day struck me, it was time to grab a hold of that happiness and be in charge once again.

A huge turning point for me was moving back home to Fort Myers to be close to family and friends. The unconditional love and support often times took my breath away. I will never forget those days. I will never forget how my dad was my strength, how he carried me through one of the hardest times of my life.

The second best thing was rekindling that relationship with my first love.

I will never forget that conversation that started on Facebook almost five years ago after more than a decade of time passing by.

Strength . . .

That word can mean so many different things. I often find my thoughts turning to this word as I’m out in nature admiring its beauty. The more time we spend outdoors, as well as my time I spend at the gym, constantly reminds me just how strong I have become.

IMG_1423I have discovered a strength I did not know existed almost five years ago. I owe that discovery to my family and Jason.

Jason constantly pushes me, which I am so incredibly grateful for. He pushes me in every aspect of life. Every aspect in life.

When we are out hiking and an obstacle presents itself along our path, he pushes me forward, often times giving me words of encouragement, as I battle with the “I can’t do that” kind of thinking.

I have also found a strength inside as we continue this adventure in our new home state. Things, I won’t lie, were really rocky when we first arrived. I was an emotional mess for a few months, until I found my own footing. Found the confidence I needed in the new life we created for ourselves.

This morning as I chatted back and forth with my really good friend back in Florida through text messages, I was flooded with the thoughts of accomplishments. She asked how many papers I now contribute for . . . eight in Arizona, four in Florida and one in Tennessee.

Who say’s you can’t accomplish something when you have faith in yourself?

After telling her this information, my mouth kind of dropped open. I knew I contributed to quite a few, but until I wrote them all down, I guess I forgot the extent.

Independence . . .

IMG_1421I was taught to take care of myself through the years I was growing up. My parents raised all of their children to be independent, which I will forever be grateful for.

Unfortunately, sometimes through the course of life, you lose site of that “independence.” You believe life can only be fulfilled with that one person next to you.

Although I cannot look into my future and not see Jason there by my side, it doesn’t take away my independence. We built this relationship on us both being independent, but sharing a life with each other.

Through the course of last year and into this year, I have found that independence. My contribution to all these publications provides me with the independence I need.

You see . . . some of these things leave such an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. Often times it leaves me breathless, but in a good way, when I think about the beautiful life I have created and absolutely love living.

The outdoors . . .

Growing up, my brothers, sisters and I, spent a lot of time outdoors. It was just how we were raised. So, it really isn’t a mystery that I still love being outdoors as an adult.

I’m just thankful I have a new found love and appreciation for everything around me. When we moved to Tennessee, I had a feeling I would appreciate my surroundings a little more. Indeed, I have.

Jason and I have run into many people who have lived here their whole lives and not seen half of the places we have in the last year. Being with Jason has shed a light on exploring new places. I couldn’t imagine not exploring. I never want to take where we live for granted, especially when it provides so many great getaways only miles down the road.

So on that note, here are a few more pictures I took today while out and about. The pictures above are also pictures I took today of the simple beauties that surround me.

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